Don't Do This During a Crime Spree.

(Allegedly!)

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The Chilean thieves who now face U.S. charges of ripping off some of our country’s better-known wealthy athletes had thought this thing out. They were, on some levels, remarkably prepared. Their alleged heists were carefully planned and executed, their getaways thoroughly sussed, the process for fencing the stolen goods long established.

Systematically ditching rental cars that were acquired with fake IDs. Using burner phones to communicate. Assiduously scouting the security teams that patrolled some of the athletes’ homes in order to time their break-ins to attract minimal attention during shift changes.

And they reportedly hunted whales: Patrick Mahomes. Travis Kelce. Joe Burrow. The NBA’s Bobby Portis Jr.

In all, their haul has been estimated in the range of $3 million.

High-level criminality.

Except for the one thing.