The Two Minute Report Blows.

But the NBA sort of has to do it

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The best description of the NBA’s Last Two Minute Report is something I found in one of your finer online gutter-sniping hoops-fan sites. (It doesn’t matter which one.) Let me paraphrase it: The Last Two Minute Report is a way for the league to publicly acknowledge how an NBA game might’ve ended differently. But — spoiler alert — it did not end differently! And there’s nothing you can do about it! Sorry, bettors and/or bookies! It didn’t go your way!

Carry on.

This may not be the salve that the league’s honchos imagined when they created the report a decade ago. First, though, let’s back up and explain that the Last Two Minute Report — that is its official title — is a day-after communication from the NBA that reviews all of the significant calls and non-calls from the final two minutes of the previous day’s games around the league.

NBA officials review the video of these games, then make a big public deal out of saying that the refs blew certain calls but didn’t blow other certain calls, or that those same refs (hired and paid by the league) should have tweeted their whistles a couple of times when they swallowed them instead.

In theory, the reports increase transparency around the officiating component of the NBA, an $11 billion per year industry. The idea, I think, is to increase trust. Look! We’re criticizing our own guys! We’re obviously not afraid of corruption! Et cetera!

In reality, the league’s findings hold no weight. They change nothing. Usually, they confirm what you already knew if you watched any particular game that had a funny ending. Once in a while, they enrage you by refusing to acknowledge your deep bias that your favorite squad got hosed.

But in the end, it’s all talk. If a blatant mistake was made, we’re just going to have to live with it — just like we had already done the day before, when 400 replays on the game broadcast made it clear that somebody wearing black and white stripes had made a dreadful mistake, but it wouldn’t get patched up.

When they run off the court into the tunnel and the scoreboard doesn’t change, you can be fairly certain that the game has ended.

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This all came to a head Monday, when the NBA announced that its refs missed a couple of big calls in absolutely crucial playoff games Sunday.

First, New York’s Josh Hart blatantly contacted Detroit’s Tim Hardaway Jr. as Hardaway tried to get off a three-point shot that would’ve won the game for the Pistons at the buzzer. It was a plain old, no-doubter, three-shot foul — Hart left his feet and couldn’t do anything to stop his momentum, and he hit Hardaway with a non-fatal but obvious body shot. The refs missed that one, and Hardaway’s subsequent flailing attempt didn’t come close to the bucket.

The officiating crew itself noted its own mistake right after the game, in response to a pool reporter’s question about it, but the NBA still made it official with a day-after tsk tsk. Since nobody has yet invented a Wayback Machine and Doc Brown’s flux capacitor isn’t available, the final score stands. Instead of this riveting series being tied 2-2, Detroit is headed back to Madison Square Garden trailing the Knicks, 3-1. Great Scott!

The NBA also noted that, later Sunday, Luka Doncic was fouled with 33 seconds left in the Lakers’ loss to Minnesota. Doncic was bringing the ball upcourt with his team trailing by a point, and he got tripped (probably on accident) by the Wolves’ Jaden McDaniels. Even though he fell to the floor, Doncic managed to keep possession, but L.A. had to burn a timeout in order to avoid a backcourt violation. The Lakers’ ensuing inbounds pass got stolen, and Minnesota went to to win.

"McDaniels (MIN) steps forward into Doncic's (LAL) path, initiating illegal foot contact that causes him to lose his balance," the NBA’s report said. In the moment, though, it was a no-call.

And here today, as you read this, it is still a no-call. That Wayback Machine thing again. You’d think that a bot would have A.I.’d its way to that creation by now. Maybe next season.

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It might be helpful to remember here that the NBA didn’t necessarily want to launch a Last Two Minute Report. By 2015, though, the sport had already been rocked by a few officiating scandals, and the gambling industry was ready to begin making major investments in America’s pro sports leagues, becoming “official” partners and installing on-site betting in arenas and ballparks and all that. A lot of money was on the table, and while very eager to take it, the NBA also needed to do something to show the rest of us that it would try really hard to keep things on the up and up.

So we get what we get: a report with no weight, that mostly echoes what any fan-boy site could have told you the day before.

Upon review, officials remain human. They’ll miss calls, just like LeBron misses inbounds passes, and sometimes in the middle of overtly physical showdowns like the Pistons-Knicks series, they’ll let some things go that look worse in the rearview than they did in real time. I’m sorry if it cost you money. We should probably move along now.